# [rescue] Do you remember when? Security software.....

Shannon shannon at widomaker.com
Tue Aug 12 18:19:20 CDT 2003

On Tue, Aug 12, 2003 at 12:25:56PM -0700, Skeezics Boondoggle wrote:

> Of course, you could try the other approach:  brutal, unflinching honesty.

[snip]

I've done this, in the past. I dont' believe it works right now.

I still have a resume kind of like this though, and send it out on
separate job-shop accounts now and then.

> Just basically threw it all out there - just as cocky as you please.
> What the hell, y'know?  For three days after the post I didn't hear
> anything at all and I forgot about it.  Then my phone started to ring.
> Emails started coming in.  I talked with one headhunter who said "Man,
> your post had our whole office laughing.  You have no idea how tiring it
> is plowing through hundreds of identical formula resumes..."[3] The calls
> went on for months, even after I'd accepted my current position.

I do my resume in LaTeX, and use a Makefile to build it. Years ago I
modified it so that "make -DFUNNY" would create a humorous version, and
I sent it to friends. You know, with an OBJECTIVE section that reads: I
want to chase women and drink beer for money.

I made a mistake one time on the GENERAL section, which caused it to
print the humorous version, and I was in a hurry and didn't proofread
it.

Here is what it said [*]:

{\bf General}: I am always late yet ahead of everyone else, my
artwork is found in books the world over, and I write poetry that
dogs can read. My talent for planting great oaks on bare rock is
matched only by my ability to see through lycra. I breed prize
winning half-pound army ants. The secret of women is on a floppy
disk I've been using as a coaster. I can program my clock radio.
My recipe for frog leaves a lot to be desired but my clam chowder
is loved by many in far away places. I've mastered all treble-clef
brass instruments and I dream to a jazz soundtrack when I need
the money. In Desert Storm I fought in leather armor wielding a
bastard-sword and despaired that I held unfair advantage. I paint
battleships blue with an accomplice who comes along behind me and
paints them gray again. I am older than time, have matched wits with
Merlin, and made love to Rhiannon in the mead. The laws of physics
do not apply to me on Saturdays.

On the second page, I saw the corner of her mouth go up, and being a
idiot whose mind is wandering by this point, I'm thinking "she's really
pretty when she smiles..."

By the time she is actually grinning I'm wondering what's so funny, and
I'm thinking I mispelled computer or UNIX, or something like that.

Finally she giggles and kind of blushes, and I'm a mix of worry and
curiosity. Also, she was really, really pretty when she did that. Talk
about a lack of focus during the interview.

It might have been a good tactic, since she made me an offer. The only
reason I didn't work there was I got two offers at the same time (this
was the good old days) and ended up taking the other job instead.

*
I got the idea for this one time when reading a folklorish college
application letter, where an applying undergraduate wrote a letter
to MIT trying to explain why they should let him attend. He used
roughly the style above and I used that as a rough guide.

> that Portland is a small town; maybe I'm just an aberration.  I've never
> had a pee test, never worn a tie, and I've only had one interview in my
> life where I wasn't offered the job (their rejection letter came a month
> after I'd already accepted another one!).

Same here.

Never worn a tie, and haven't worn a jacket but once. Sometimes have
gotten good jobs wearing jeans and a t-shirt when the offer to interview
came up unexpectedly and that's all I had with me.

I have been hired twice with nothing but a phone interview, and 've
Inever worn a tie to an interview, and I even fold my arms!

The phone interviews were actually shocking. Recruiter calls, either
external or company internal, and set up a phone interview. I do that
and the people say we need to meet face-to-face. Then like 30 minutes to
2 hours later, sometimes a full day, I get a call saying, "Can you come
in to work this Monday?"

My brain is still in "prepare for face-to-face interview" mode and they
are asking me yes/no do I want the job.

The problem now is that interview is never happening. I hate interviews,
but I rarely have a problem with them.

> But I can't possibly be that special or that lucky. I bet that half
> the folks on this list are smarter/funnier/more experienced than I
> am. So my advice is to be bold, be honest, and never lose your sense
> of humor. Sometimes even the people in suits display some humanity,
> y'know? And rather than waste time trying to beat them at their own
> game, simply change the rules...

Well... I think right now a lot of us are never even getting to the suits.

We can't get past HR's search engine in many cases.

I used to have no problem driving around and walking right into a place
with a stack of resumes and time to talk. Now they look at you like you
are going mad if you do that.

Call up a personnel department to talk about employment and they often
don't even know how to handle the call.

What was the line in that old joke:

Note the noisy arrival and the silent departure of HR personnel...

--
UNIXaPerl/C/Pizza__________________________________shannon at widomaker.com